The safety of reality

This weekend Cheyenne took the little one out of town with her and left me alone for a rare day to do as I wanted with my time. Better yet, she scheduled a (my first) Pro Domme session to help enjoy my time. 

I knew about a week ahead I’d have the free time so started reaching out to various kinksters letting them know I’d have time to “meet”. Confirmation was quick from two guys I’ve wanted to meet. One a very big guy who specializes in fisting, the other a local guy who specializes in spanking men in every way imaginable. I’d met both guys before, spanked by the spanker A few times but hadn’t done anything sexual with the fister before. 

For the record the fister’s hands are “13 around. I was nervous about submitting to such a formidable Fist especially coupled with the gentle and persuasive personality he exudes. After a stiff drink (helped me to relax) I undressed and relinquished myself to the experience. The best and easiest way to describe the majority of being fisted is there’s a beginning which is much like an amazing massage… And… then there’s a peak where things get real and your whole body convulses in waves of *very* intense pleasure. His experience was obvious and present in every action and I felt safe through it all. It was also particularly fun that my penis was completely ignored and entirely irrelevant to him. I loved that and I loved that he would have preferred me without a penis if he could choose. Throughout the session he talked lightly about what it would be like to remain locked or without balls so my primary sexual organ would be my ass. That was a huge psychological spin for me and probably best part of it all. 

Afterwards, while driving home to prepare for the pro Domme session I was humbly hoping my ass would not be further worked over… (not entirely), I started to feel the whole experience with the fister missed a big mark. As fun and exciting as it was I felt a lack of physical connection. There was no charge for me in being with another man. It’s something I’ve noticed before with other men I’ve been with but always passed it off as they weren’t my type. The counter point was I might be emotionally broken and unable to feel the intimate connection I crave so much. The thing is, I know I can feel things with Cheyenne so I’m not necessarily broken. Then it hit me, the realization crystallized that I’m not turned on by male bodies. The things men like about men I’m turned on by in women, not men. Sadly, in that realization, I felt my sexual universe shrink a little but at the same become more focused. I learned something unexpected about my bisexual self. I’m turned on by sexual vulnerability regardless of gender. Sexual with men perhaps, more likely with some kind of female motivator or conduit. My primary and physical attraction is with women, strong dominant women. 

After arriving home to shower and prepare for my next date I was able to regroup and feel optimistic for a new experience one I’ve longed for! Surprisingly, I wasn’t at all nervous. Taking stock of myself I noticed again a lack of feeling. I wanted to be scared, full of butterflies and flustered but instead I felt disconnected as if I watching myself objectively. The numbness persisted on the drive to the PD’s location but immediately after meeting her I was back in the fun zone and full of hope. She seemed confident and easy to talk to. Earlier Cheyenne gave me instructions to hand deliver a small bag of items to the PD, inside the bag there was a camisole with matching panties, a pay envelope, my smallest Steelworxx chastity device, and an envelope to seal the key’s safe return to Cheyenne. Shortly after entering the dungeon I was bluntly ordered to undress. While undressing the PD lightly mocked me for not being hung. There was a light heartedness about it that was certainly her feeling out my tolerance. 

Prior to the session Cheyenne had shared a few of my kinks with the PD she thought would be fun to explore. Within minutes from disrobing I was quickly dressed back up in the camisole and panties, put into a skirt with absurdly high heals and made to walk around the room while trying not to sprain an ankle! It was all quite silly but I was having fun laughing at the spectical of it all. The edginess of being told I’d never again walk too fast when my wife was in heels gave the whole sharade meaning. 

The rest of the session was mostly a game of Q and A where if I answered incorrectly my penis was shocked with an industrial strength violet wand connected to various metal implements. No joke. Took me longer than it should have to realize the PD didn’t care about truth 😉 shame on me. The session wound down with me blindfolded as the PD asked questions to learn what arroused me followed by shocking my erections back into submission. Totally hot. This last part feeling her probing my mind felt hopeful that she would eventually get to me and create something emotionally intense. I kept wanting to hit the pause button to tell her what I really wanted but instead, followed along as instructed. Just before leaving to comply with Cheyenne’s request she locked my electrocuted penis into the Steelworxx and sent me off with the key sealed for Cheyenne. 

Cheyenne and I had a date planned for the afternoon one last fun romp for the day that we ended missing because, well, real life was suddenly back dousing the flames of passion so diligently planned for. The rest of the night was pretty routine except a quick play by play of my dates but not a mention of my chastity. Out of sight out of mind I suppose. It was all over and done in a flash except I’m still locked with no explaination or expectation.

Never made it to the spanker. At the time I was content looking forward to my date with Cheyenne. As news of a nightmare return trip home with a screaming toddler dribbled in from the road I focused my efforts on a clean home and getting all chores completed so Cheyenne could arrive  home and just relax. 

I want to return to the PD. I hopefull next time I get to feel the power she advertises, that she’ll get into my mind and play with my feelings until I doubt the safety of my reality because that’s what I need to feel alive. 

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