Fantasy and Acceptance

I have no idea why I’m suddenly compelled to write about the sexual threads swirling around in my mind but here we go…

In a nut shell, my kinks flow outward from the need to feel sexually engaged and accepted by men and women as sexually inferior to other males. No other explanation has surfaced to explain my strong desire to see Cheyenne sexually satisfied by other men except compersion which explains most of this preference but doesn’t address that tingly feeling I get when Cheyenne engages one of her fwbs and my imagination sparks fantasies interwoven with hopes that she will learn to preference her bull’s superior sexual abilities and size over me.

Cheyenne’s sexual pleasure in the hands of other men is merely where my kinks begin. I yearn for physical and intellectual demonstrations that I can lean into and trust. I need to trust there’s an alternative sexual reality other than the one the world identifies with me. Sexually, I’m not what I seem on the surface although I prefer who I am and how I present publicly.

Cheyenne and I opened our marriage a few years ago to accommodate a Hotwife cuckold dynamic. I’ve written about this in previous posts but haven’t said much about the burning desire I feel under the cuckold label. I often ask her for physical and intellectual reinforcement of my role but Cheyenne’s hesitant or unable to shift into a quasi-fantasy role that deviates so far from habit to due to real life demands. It takes real energy for her to shift gears under normal conditions and I proactively put energy into ensuring her needs and concerns are handled to the best of my ability. Calf and foot rubs are powerful contributions.

Despite two fwb’s and an ‘ideal’ SquarePeg Nathan dildo attached to a SpareParts harness that she now insists on using before I’m allowed sloppy seconds, she still prefers my penis despite pleas for enforced chastity. Chastity devices are too crass and unsexy for her preference and my external alpha male sexual identity feels inescapable. It’s the identity she married after all…

How I wish to be chastised and sent to service strong dominant men while she too is indulged beyond her wildest imagination by strong attractive men. Then regroup afterward to bond over our intimate experiences with others and bask in the afterglow with all warmth and love we share between us. This is the sexual identity I hope wear both internally and externally.


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2 Responses to Fantasy and Acceptance

  1. thechastecyclist says:

    I can so relate to craving chastity but your wife wants free access. I’ve leaned to control the masturbation when unlocked and do my best to keep a submissive mindset; however, there are times when the alpha male tries to take charge. It’s a struggle. Thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hapa says:

    I’m not naturally submissive. The conundrum I struggle with is a strong desire to exist sexually in a supporting and secondary role between a strong male and female. Both sexes are attractive to me for different reasons.


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